1. Let It Go
Holding on keeps us stuck. I believe very strongly that feelings of anger & hurt are normal and we have a right to feel them (the danger is when we act upon them in a way that harms others). But when we hold tight to that angst and pain, it creates a life filled with…. Angst and Pain. It also perpetuates a pattern of similar painful situations in our lives.
When that current is flowing through you and that same situation is appearing, it’s really hard to be genuinely happy. But, when we acknowledge and process the hurt, we become lighter because we’ve let go of the things that no longer serve us. And it enables us to move on towards more positive things.
2. Stay out of The Lion’s Den
Nobody is mistake free. We all mess up sometimes. There’s a huge difference between the friend who forgot you had dinner plans one Friday and the one who stands you up regularly. What tends to happen is that we project the pain from the past into our present. And that creates a Lion’s Den of chaos in current relationships based not on the present circumstances but on the past hurts that have not been healed.
Look at the whole picture. If you want to move forward with the current relationship, truly forgive. Heal the hurt by honoring & sharing your feelings. I’ve found my dearest friends along the way are those with whom we’ve been able to process through problems Together.
On the other hand, a one sided relationship leaves you doing all the forgiving. Be aware of those circumstances. People who hold onto your mistakes or consistently make you feel devalued are NOT your friends. This is another Lions' Den. You don’t have to stay in a situation that leaves you scratched and wounded.
And if you choose to distance yourself from the relationship, allow yourself to do it with grace. It can facilitate healing to say how you feel, (see my post on being brave) If the circumstance doesn’t permit your expression, journal about it, talk to another friend or take a kickboxing class. The key is to feel it, honor it and release it. This process allows us to truly forgive. Whatever someone has done is a reflection of their story. You don’t have to carry their grief and make it who you are.
3. Forgiving yourself
Our lives are Not about the ‘other’ person. Healthy relationships with others begin with a loving relationship with Ourselves. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on someone else as opposed to looking deeper at what patterns actually need to shift within us. And the reality is, those are the only ones we can really control. You may never change your father's critical tone, but you can change how you interpret it and choose not to take it personally. After all, peoples' actions are usually not about YOU. I think the person most people are hardest on is Themselves. Make a conscious effort to realize that the actions of others is not your fault. And most importantly give yourself permission to Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, it’s part of life and it’s part of our journey. Honor that where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be and whatever happened has brought you to this place. When we consciously and subconsciously berate ourselves about the things we did or didn’t do it creates an internal sense of unhappiness about Who we Are. It’s destructive to our well-being. We cannot truly love ourselves or live in our highest good if we are in a state of anger towards ourselves for our mistakes. Allow yourself the gift to create a beautiful relationship with you by being kind to your spirit and forgiving yourself.
You Are Beautiful – allow yourself to lose the baggage that doesn’t serve you and live lighter so your spirit can shine! Let me know how it goes!
Love and Blessings to you!